I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
