I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
