somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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