All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
