ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
