Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize