Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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