Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
