my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
