bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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