have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
