so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
