cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
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