i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
