Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
