i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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