Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
