So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
