god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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