Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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