you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
