every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
