Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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