If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
