You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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