He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
