Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
