If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
