What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
