Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
