Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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