What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
