i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
