I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
