is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
