I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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