i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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