this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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