my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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