oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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