Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
