well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
