FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
