Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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