sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
