just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
