you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
