i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
