Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
