Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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