WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
