sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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