I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
