You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
