As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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