awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
