it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
