fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize