nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The air was thick with penises
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
