Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
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