you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
