yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
