i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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