I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
