quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
