No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
