I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
