I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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