still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
