Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I need to calm my uterus...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
