I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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