I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
