I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
