Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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